"I'm confused. with things I don't really know."
I don't know how to start this story-telling, even if I express this whole thing with the language that I adore so much- Chinese. Don't ask me, I don't know why. I know something's wrong with me now, finding ways to get myself out of this stupid maze.
Things are't that complicated but they seem to be an awful threat to me. Well, at least for today. I was abit doubtful about starting this without Mean Jern's "lock blog post" javascript. My heart was trembling from inside. Feeling insecure, I tried to hide.
I need someone now, insatiably.
Okay, I didn't go for the ceramah this morning, although I'd been longing to go for it (it's about choosing streams). I bumped into Pn. Goh when i was bringing SY's brother and his friend to settle their kokurikulum things with our Pn. Melody. Pn. Goh was free during that period and she wanted me to have a discussion with her. Yeah, I'm the Editor-to-be for next year, lots of things to busy for.
p/s: It's fun having a chit-chat with elders sometimes(at my situation, this "elderly person" will be my teacher), you should try someday =) We had talked about a lot of stuffs. Haha, I didn't know that a teacher could be that inquisitive in knowing my things. Family problems, school, even topics that were personal we had shared about. Then it came to this- about my personality and point of view in dealing problems. Pn. Goh said she overheard some teachers were "gossiping" about me, saying that I might be a bit "dut dut dut dut dut". Herm, this is real difficult to explain, so I think I'll leave this to myself instead.
I am a low EQ person, I don't know how to handle myself at most of the time. I tend to think a lot of things, which often makes me feel insane. But I couldn't stop this ridiculous habit, I've tried so badly. I feel that I've gotten myself trapped in dubious thoughts, making myself to live in such cramped conditions. I misunderstand what people try to tell me, I can't release myself from tension, especially when I am disapproved and censured by others. For example, I know what Pn. Goh meant, it DOES have something to do with my character, maybe the way I act and speak. I know this has been agitating and haunting me all the long. Somehow, I couldn't accept the truth that teachers are actually exchanging views on my behavior! Well, it IS a fact that I could be rude or self-centered or being materialistic sometimes but I still feel wistful when I know people are talking about this. You'll say, "it's normal, girl". I agree, however, this is HARD.
This is just so harrowing. Don't you dare suppose that I've known this problem of mine since long ago and I won't feel a single tingle lingle about this. Yeah, I'm making things sounded more terrible and serious than they actually are, in chinese this is so called "小题大做". *sigh* Treat me like I'm muttering like a fool now, go ahead. When I am stuffed with absurd ideas, please help me knock my head and hopefully I'll awake from the grief. I am quite clear that what I should do later on, to change myself, right? I should stop being so dismal and blue! This is a massive undertaking, a chore, to help me grow!
I promised that I won't cry. This is such a small thing =) don't worry.
But please do remember, I may not be as sturdy as you think.
p/s: I'm not emo-ing.
p/p/s: To bury yourself in a dictionary might be a good choice of turning away your attention from your pain XP I know this sounded weird, but it do seem to work on me today! (maybe just today?) :) i am currently in ♥ with khalil fong's < nothing's gonna change my love for you >.
